Two Magic Words for Enjoyable Family Routines
The Magic Words That Make Kids Listen:
Mom and Dad, have you ever wished for magic words that help your kids do what you ask without yelling, bribing, or turning into a drill sergeant with a bullhorn? If so, you’re not alone. And yes — there really are magic words. I wish I had known them earlier, too.
You might think the magic words are “please” and “thank you,” and they are. Those are wonderful words that make people smile, but they’re not the ones I’m talking about today.
I’m talking about two little words that changed everything for me. But first, I want to share my survival story, the reason why I was desperate for a solution to the most monumental problem a thirteen-year-old babysitter ever faced.
Why I Needed a Magic Wand at Age 13
Decades ago, I landed a babysitting job for two little boys that paid fifty cents an hour. At thirteen, I thought I was about to become richer than my wildest dreams.
I was only a ninth grader. My older sister recommended me for this “prestigious” job with the new grade‑school principal’s children. Within fifteen minutes of the parents leaving, I realized why they'd chosen me.
They were desperate for a sitter.
Imagine the most unbelievable movie scene of out‑of‑control children you’ve ever seen. Now double it. That might describe the adventure that awaited me the first time I babysat the new principal's boys in the mid 1960s.
My dad taught me that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all… so I’ll simply say: I survived with only minor scrapes and bruises.
The next‑door neighbor to this elite family— the neighbor with the emergency house key — let me in on the truth when he unlocked the door for me. I was determined to keep those boys under my watchful eye without calling the fire department. (The boys were disappointed.)
It seems that the parents had gone through every sophomore girl on the small town's babysitting list. No one was prepared for tornadic energy. My name started with B, so I was at the top of the alphabetical sucker list for freshman girls.
Some older girls had walked off the job, leaving the little angels with the friendly firemen in town until Mr. and Mrs. were located. But I wanted that fifty‑cents‑an‑hour job twice a week. Besides, I am not one to give up so quickly. And this student librarian had a brilliant idea.
Little did I know that my library research on How to Babysit would launch my decades‑long career as a child whisperer.
No, I didn’t look up potions or rituals in a book of spells, even though I knew exactly where these kinds of books were in the stacks along with the Dewey Decimal numbers.
I read American Girl Magazine, a publication I once submitted photos to — and even won $5 prizes for. (Another story for another day.)
Here’s what I learned:
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Get a big bag that holds surprises — inspired by Mary Poppins.*
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Use two magic words: When & Then.
That’s it.
Two calm words: When–Then. They ended the sharp household items being thrown at me and the plots to lock me out of the house. Yes, those 3‑ and 4‑year‑old siblings had rehearsed those routines well on dozens of teenage girls in our fair city.
Make‑Do Magic
A once‑popular comedian had a routine recorded on an LP record about being terrified to get his tonsils out until his dad said:
“Son, when you get your tonsils out, then you get to eat ice cream. All the ice cream you want.”
Then the comedian made his voice sound like an excited little kid running around shouting:
“I get to eat ICE CREAM!”
Are you getting the picture of how to place those words in a sentence, nonchalantly?
This is supposed to be a short blog, so reveal the magic trick:
Parents, grandparents, babysitters — you already have the magic words in your vocabulary. You just need to use them in the right order, with a gentle but firm tone.
The magic words are: when and then.
Take a moment to practice saying it:
“When — then.”
- Say it again.
- Smile.
- You now know the spell that makes routines fun.
When you have the magic spell memorized, then go ahead... read a few examples.
You CAN do it. I know you can. When you practice, then you feel more confident. And the words come out more naturally in a cool, calm, collected way.
⭐ Examples of When–Then
When you wash your hands → then we can sit down to eat.
When toys are in the basket → then we can choose a book to read.
When you sit on the swing → then I can push you.
When your jacket is on, and you’re waiting at the door → then we can get in the car.
When you finish your chore → then you can have your snack.
Bedtime
When your teeth are brushed → then you can put on your fun PJs.
When pajamas are on → then you can choose which book to read.
When your clothes are laid out for the morning → then we can play soft music.
Gentle Guidance for Little Routines
Picture cues at eye level are part of the trick. The poof in the magic is to get to the point quickly, before ears tune out your words.
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shoes
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toothbrush
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book
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toy basket
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cloud (calm)
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snack
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outside play
Visual icons help keep the words to a minimum. Too many words, sentences, and paragraphs — ho‑hum- yawn — and your child’s attention drifts away.
Parents, teachers, and childcare providers with calm days and groups that move through smooth transitions know predictable rhythms are key. They may or may not use the same "magic words" as I do, but the idea is the same.
Fun Visual Prompts
When-Then doesn't need a kit or an instruction video with laminated charts to apply in your home setting. When routines feel gentle and predictable, children respond eagerly to the next step. Parents find the fun is When-Then, too.
Some babysitting courses for teens include teaching aids for those structured courses that include many more skills.
When-then is used in;
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preschool classrooms
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daycare centers
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book-nooks
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circle‑time transitions
And it works beautifully at home, too.
In Conclusion
Are you looking for more When–Then ideas?
Malika Bourne Legacy’s mission isn’t to be a cute T‑shirt shop. It’s meant to feature books written by Malika Bourne. (Where are this author's books?) But when life happens, and a few dozen manuscripts are waiting in line like school kids, then it is time for Plan C.
I have an announcement:
Related children's storybooks, cards, and T-shirts will be available as a published resource from The Edge of Eternity Press — stay tuned for updates.
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Malika Bourne is an early childhood specialist and author. Learn more at
Final musings: Those two tiny wildlings taught me more than I expected — including a little calm magic I'll share through printable When–Then calming Make‑Do‑Magic reminders. I used to jot tiny prompts along with a sketch on note cards and tuck them into my pocket.
Now it's your turn: What sweet visual reminders do you keep close for those times when you need to respond?